Meaningless, Motionless. Where's the Drive?

When we believe we know what's happening next. We have all planned, every single second, every single action, every single moment, It never happens. I thought I knew what I would do next, a very clear vision of the future; but it changes as quickly as a snap stops existing, it always happens that way. I desperately look for something to hold to, something to rely on, where I could start to live. I need the reason that I search in people, but they cannot provide what I'm asking for. My bad. Billy Joel said: "if you are so smart tell me why are you still so afraid?". Uncertanty, insecurity, that's future. Maybe there's no tomorrow, but I'm still here, meaningless, motionless, waiting for the moment, not trying enough, not pushing too hard, not doing anything. I want more, I need more, but I have nothing, and nothings changes. Such an ambition! But it doesn't worth anything if we are not willing to risk it all. We have to go farther than anyone has gone before, faster than anyone that's behind you, better than anyone has ever achieved. But HOW?! Where is the drive when we need it the most?! I want more, I starve for more, but damn! My hands are empty. I NEED MORE AIR TO BREATHE. I want it all.